- (808) 662-3784
- Mary@MaryMcNutt.com
Goldilocks & Mr. Fancy: A Love Story Written in Relapse (But Mostly in Recovery)
Once upon a time, in a land far from sensible decisions on the island of Maui, there was Miss Goldilocks, a misfit recovering addict from serious impulses including shopping addiction to substance abuse. This "hot mess", in total denial, was wreaking havoc for her life everywhere! She believed her daily mission was to construct just the right amount of "chaos". "Wasted"? Perhaps. "Broke"? Maybe. "Unfulfilled"? Definitely. "Catering to intense urges"? For sure! Her overriding goal was not too little (pathetic), not too much (okay, fine, always too much), but instead always true to her motto, she liked everything just right - which, in addict logic, meant "until the room spun, the eviction notice arrived via mail, or the cops showed up".
Goldilocks wasn't dumb. She was a credentialed global expert in TRANSFORMATIONAL life and recovery coaching. But she looked dumb, which, let's be honest, is the unofficial uniform of addiction. Bloodshot eyes? Check. Mismatched socks? Double-check. The ability to lose an entire week's time and a pair of shoes? Talent. Sobriety, though, hit her like a surprise drug test, and suddenly she had two fancy degrees in Addiction Studies, Psychology, and coaching, because nothing says "redemption" like student loans and a therapist's couch.
Now, as a homeless self-help relapse and recovery coach, she lives in a sandominium (that's a sandcastle with Wi-Fi) on Maui's Sugar Beach, where she runs Goldilocks' Wisdom - spewing "Messages from a Bottle". A Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/goldilockswisdom dedicated to helping fellow addicts navigate recovery with "humor", because if you can't laugh at your own "rock-bottom", what can you laugh at? Spoiler: Everything! The real tragedy is taking yourself too seriously. Goldilocks' Wisdom is an educational and inspirational online life, recovery and relapse coaching social networking site. Goldilocks' goal is to inform, educate and assist those that need life and recovery coaching, knowledge and love as they journey on their road to achieving abstinence, recovery and discovery of their life's purpose. Her partner in crime and recovery soulmate is Mr. Fancy, a cross-eyed, hippie hobo, perpetual slacker, who once believed work was a four-letter word (it is, but so is "meth". Such priorities!). The two misfits met at The Maui Swap Meet and later both attended a court ordered rehab treatment facility in Minnesota. They bonded over their mutual love of escaping treatment, and having been in relapse, recovery, and group coaching together ever since they ran away. Their drug résumés while in their inebriated asylum reads like a CVS receipt: meth, painkillers, and whatever else they could find, borrow, or accidentally inhale. Truly unnerving especially when they summarize and share stories about their batshit, some to dark to share, crazy usage, treatment, and their struggle to recovery. Ugh!
Nowadays, a perpetual batshit crazy slacker, Mr. Fancy slings coffee to the tune of 'Easy Does It' like its liquid therapy, coaching customers between espresso shots. "You want a double shot wisdom with that latte?" Meanwhile, Goldilocks - who once worked as a drug and alcohol coaching at an upcountry sober living facility in Makawo (a.k.a. The Love House) - got fired for being too relatable. (Turns out, talking about your own relapses in group therapy is inspirational until it's awkward.)
Currently jobless and homeless, Goldilocks does what any self-respecting Hawaiian does - anything and everything to survive: fishes for dinner, "harvests" pineapples (read: steals them), and briefly dabbles in surfing (because why not?). After spending a year in jail, she emerged with a diploma from Charm School™ (court-ordered, naturally) and a renewed passion for helping fellow dopers get clean. Her online mugshot profile shows her under arrest in a holding tank in jail. Her Facebook podcasts and posts take her Facebook followers on a journey that guides them from a state of deep pain and woundedness to one of wholeness, healing and transformation. She drinks club soda while hosting life and recovery coaching sessions at the world headquarters pavilions on Sugar Beach. In addition, she runs workshops and records podcasts focused on addiction recovery - because nothing says "redemption" like turning your dumpster-fire past into a motivational speaking career.
Moral of the story?
Recovery is messy, relapse is hilarious (in hindsight), and sometimes the best therapist is the one who's been chased by the same demons. Also, don't courier your drugs. Jail food is not part of a balanced recovery. Follow Goldilocks' Wisdom and Message From a Bottle educational podcasts on our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/goldilockswisdom and discover the life you were meant to live!